Lost Happiness

Just when all seemed good at the beginning of the summer, I feel like things lately have just taken a major fall down the hill.  I've lost my happiness.  I tired and frustrated.  I hate the job searching, I never see my parents, when I do see my parents all they care about is work and then fall asleep somewhere, I never see my friends from school, I don't get enough sleep, and I'm sort of seeing a guy that truly really likes me for real and I don't get it.  I guess the over emotional part of me kicks in a lot and really turns things into being more emotional than they should be.
For example, I've been stressing over a stupid birthday present for this guy.  It's in two days and I need to have something in my hands.  My mom won't help me and her ideas don't help with the decision making at the store.  Am I screwed?  You bet I am!  I just feel that presents are important and so the decision is hard especially when you don't know someone as well.
When I came home from school I was ecstatic to be able to see my parents again and spend the holidays with them this year.  But for some reason, things are different.  They just aren't the same as when I was in high school.  They really aren't around like they used to be.  They push me to go out with people and make plans to be busy.  They don't want to hang out and talk.  They thoroughly enjoy that I am "seeing" someone.  It's just different.  And I am not sure that I like it.  I'm thinking that it's just a time in their lives that they don't really need me and they are trying to prove that I shouldn't always need them.
And then this is where my happiness runs dry.  Because I know I have to be more independent and I hate it.  I like to be with people and I like others opinions and I like to be busy.  And independence doesn't really involve those things.  I got in a huge fight with my parents tonight over independence and I just wasn't in the mood to get this stupid gift.  So, I'll begin my independence.  I won't call them at work anymore.  I wont talk about pointless life stories I have or thoughts that I have been thinking.  I wont bother them about where I am going and what I need to do/get.  I'm just going to shut down about those things.  And when they pry into my life when all of this goes over, I'm not budging; they don't need to know anymore.  I'm not being selfish, I'm just helping them out not to stress/worry about me.  I got the message.
So, yea, lets say this is a major pot hole in my life right now.  I just don't know where I fit in and where I stand with life.  I don't know what to do about friendships, relationships, parent relationships, hobbies, emotions, and life.  I guess you could say that I'm having a bit of an "early life" crisis.

Official Graduate!!!

It's official.  Class is OVER!  I have never felt more relieved than by finishing my final class (with extreme senioritis!).  I took last week off last week to celebrate the ending and I can say that I got to relax, watch lots of tv, play the sims, and anything else that sounds lazy :)
Sadly, all the relaxing has ended and its back to work.  I start my summer job back up tomorrow and I can say that I'm looking forward to some extra money and the start of what I truely enjoy doing--research.  It's something that I can individually work on and think about in order to accomplish an overall goal and progress in an overall discovery (fingers crossed). 
I also can say the job search is on.  It's going to take the rest of the summer to continue the research, submitting resumes, and hopefully interviews.  I'm going to work hard to find something that I'm passionate in pursuing and I can't wait to find out what opportunities I end up finding :)  I know with the economy, times are tough, but I'm staying positive with the search.
I can't believe that summer is half way over.  Where did these past two months go?!  I know the summer class truly consumed my life during the five weeks, but I just feel like I keep running around.  And I am happy to say that these next few weeks, I have halted a lot of plans to focus on what I want to do.  I'm excited to spend a friday night sometime soon with my mom on a little date :)  As well as some fun plans with my friends from college!  I need some bff time with my roomate and sadly our schedules have just been clashing lately and have not worked out, but I am determined to make sure that we figure something out real soon! (blueberry picking?!). 
There has been so much going on since I last blogged and I don't want to go on forever.  Hopefully with back to work comes more of a routine schedule and more time for blogging (with pictures this time)!  Hope everyone's summer has been just as busy and fun! :)