The Blogging World

I have to be honest.  I love the blogging world and I've missed it.  Where has time gone? When I first started this blog I was just about to graduate college and thinking about my future and where the next few years would bring me.  I never thought that it would pass in what feels like a matter of minutes.

I have heard these stories on other blogs of people making friends, sharing advice, becoming more knowledgeable on shared topics, etc. and I want that too.  That's what blogging is all about--sharing the journey and learning along the way!

I have lots to share as these last (almost) 3 years have blurred by.  The most exciting thing around here is that I got two twin brother cats  :)

They were born in our front yard and we saved them.  Now they are fully loved by my family and I cant imagine life without them.

In addition, I started graduate school and I joined a home workout program.  I may be a little tired most of the time, but life has been good!

Apprehension

Now that things are better from my last breakup it's safe to say that I put myself back out there again hoping for another chance at love.  I feel like I go down the same dirt road to the same dead end almost every time, though.  I find someone who I really like and can't wait at the chance to see again and I feel so connected and close to them and yet so far.  I know the "dating game" can be fun.  Going on dates to new restuarants, new bars, new place, but at the same time am I just wasting time?  Are they just wasting mine?  Am I just keeping their schedule filled?  Am I just "another girl"?  All of these questions and more haunt my brain, keep me stressed, keep me anxious, and keep my stomach hurting.  I don't understand those girls that find those amazing guys that want to spend all their time with them, take them places, buy them things, tell them they love them, and be their boyfriend.  Where in the world do they find them??  I'm serious to say that I feel they don't exist or that maybe I'm just attracted to the wrong ones.  I find the ones that aren't serious, that just think I'm pretty, that just want some time alone with me late at night when nothing else is going on. 
I joined a dating site in the fall and can say that I have gone on quite a few dates.  Some play out well and go on one or two more, some quickly fade and I would call them the "one and done", some showed pictures of themselves five years ago and don't look/act a thing like they say.  None last.  I have to say that I blame the site a bit because I know that its hard to feel a connection with someone based on their pictures and all of the positive things they say about themselves.  So, all in all the site wasn't as successful as I had hoped.  Was it fun?  absolutely.  Am I tired of the games and lack of connection?  Yes.
Back to who I found...He ended up not being from the dating site.  Someone that I connected to and saw almost on a daily basis.  Someone that made me blush when I talked to him.  Someone that made me laugh.  Someone that gave me butterflies when we hung out.  Someone that made me forget what I was thinking when I spotted him.  Never have I ever felt this way with anyone else.  NEVER.  I am so happy, but at the same time I am not.  Is he seeing other girls at the same time?  Does he really like me or is he just saying that?  Am I over thinking things...probably.  I brought up the whole "what are we doing" thing and I knew at that pause that I wasn't going to be happy. "I like what we are doing but I don't know what I want for the future".  If I could have this translated, I would really appreciate that.  It makes me sad but at the same time it could have potential.  I don't really know what to think anymore.  I have decided just ignoring what I said, being my happy self, and hoping he still wants to see me is the best bet for now.  I hope.  The dating world is just not that fun...or maybe the adult world is just not as easy as I had thought...

One Week

What a difference a week makes.  Last week at this time I was a bit of a mess.  I was still feeling a bit kicked down and dreading the start of the work week.  Today, I feel great.  I feel SO much better.  All I needed was a week off to vent, think, and move forward.  I got to spend the weekend doing some shopping and today was able to catch up with my cousin who I haven't seen in about a year!  It was a good morning spent enjoying a hot cup of coffee, delicious bagel, and lots of funny stories. 
I feel great about the week.  I have lots of projects to work on and keep me busy and babysitting to entertain myself during the evenings.
I'm looking forward to next weekend so much to finally get to catch up with my best friend and really get back out there and have a great time.  Next Saturday can't come soon enough.  Until then, I have lots of things to do and if I have some spare time in between all of that, some extra shopping never hurts :)

Trust Issues

After being caught off guard with my last dating run, I seem to have this looming fear that someone is going to pull a fast one on me again.  I'm afraid that someone who is overly nice isn't really so nice and that someone who tells you everything you want to hear isn't being real.  I know this is what happens when someone dumps you, but because I was so lied to, I don't know who to trust. 
All this is coming to mind because I was invited out with a friend of mine that I met last summer.  He invited me out to a party at 11pm at some girls house he knows.  First off, is this sketchy?  Secondly, do I really know him well enough?  Trust issues, right?  Of course my mom got mad at me for politely declining since I was so eager to get back out there, make friends, and have some fun.  She was sick of me complaining that I didn't have any plans lined up for the next few weekends and when I had the chance to go out I declined.  Yea, I guess that makes no sense, but in my defense I don't really know this guy who wants to drive me to a mystery location party so late at night.  Am I wrong for being hesitant about going?? 
She is so mad for hearing that I'm not going tonight.  I get it, but I don't.  I guess I have to keep my trust issues to myself.  New goal: Keep private life private when it comes to family.  Everything is and will be good.  No complaints, no sorrows, and no worries.  Done.

Coffee Day

Today is a coffee day.  My mom and I talked all morning about the surprise break up.  Let's just say we finally got mad.  I'm very proud of myself that I was able to see the good in our two months together and I also saw the bad in why things went south.  No more tears.  I know I'll be fine and that its only a small bump in the road of love and relationships.  It clearly was not meant to be and I'll be better with the opportunity to keep getting to know myself better and like I said before continue on the road to my bikini body ;)
With coffee and pj's all morning with my mom, I decided to get coffee out with a friend later tonight.  It will be good to catch up and for myself to know that I wasn't sitting home on a saturday night wallowing around in my sadness.  I'm clearly brushing myself off, picking up the pieces and getting back out there; all within 24 hours! 
I know I promised no more sad posts, but I feel like this is a good post.  Coffee, talking, and smiling are all good things for a Saturday :)

Surprises are never fun

I feel like I need some venting space.  At the end of last year I saw things really looking up for me.  I was offered a full time position at my job, I met a really great guy, and I finally had a full schedule with things to do.  Life was so good.  I finally fit in at work, I went on some awesome dates, and I spent time with people I love.  I started 2012 with a great guy that I believed finally liked me for me.  He wanted to hang out with me, take me places, and spend all of his quality time with me.  I was so excited.  I was so grateful for someone in my life.
And then out of no where...done.  He was done with me.  I was used up, worn out, and old.  I wasn't as interesting to get to know, we went to every favorite restaurant, drank every type of beer, saw every new movie, and therefore, he was done.  Except that I feel disrespected, drug around, led on, and misleaded.  I feel like this happens to me a lot.  Are there no good guys out there??  I'm beginning to think there aren't.  For real. 
The sad part was that I was in this new relationship 110%.  When he was having a bad day I was there for him.  When he was tired, I was the shoulder for him to rest on.  When he was hungry, I was the one that shared a snack.  When he was happy, I was there to laugh and smile with him.  I know it sounds cliche and sappy, but I really tried with this one.  I really put my all into it and he chewed me up and spit me out (not literally ha!).  I don't think I have ever felt this used.  Usually you can see it coming and have already prepared for "the talk", but this was out of no where.  I have such a stomach ache filled with hurt tonight. 
I think I have to come to terms that its okay to be single because true friends and family are always there to keep you company and bring you up.  And at night when things are lonely, dreams will fill the voided space.
Well I guess my new found time will be at the gym getting ready for my beach body ;)
I'm glad to be back to my blog.  And I promise my blog entries will get more cheerful!

Seasons

Fall is my absolute favorite season!  I am anticipating the color change of the leaves so that my drive to and from work is beautiful.  And I have been helping decorate for halloween.  For some reason it really feels right to be home.  I haven't freaked out that I'm not in class.  I do miss it a lot though.  There are times where I really wish I was back in my apartment, with all of my roomates, baking cookies, watching a movie, and/or snuggled up in my cozy bed.  Because it just felt right there...
I'm glad to home to help out my family.  I'm trying harder than ever to make sure to help my parents out as best I can with our house, cleaning, and especially with my younger brother. 
I can even say that I officially start my "adult" job tomorrow! :)  I'm very proud of myself that I am a part of the working world.  It feels good and I can't wait for some extra spending cash to buy some new clothes for the winter!  I have to say that this change of season means changes in lots of ways and I like that :)
I'm excited for some things this month--apple picking, haunted houses/hayrides, halloween, some (pumpkin) baking, movies, and back to my running schedule!