Seasons

Fall is my absolute favorite season!  I am anticipating the color change of the leaves so that my drive to and from work is beautiful.  And I have been helping decorate for halloween.  For some reason it really feels right to be home.  I haven't freaked out that I'm not in class.  I do miss it a lot though.  There are times where I really wish I was back in my apartment, with all of my roomates, baking cookies, watching a movie, and/or snuggled up in my cozy bed.  Because it just felt right there...
I'm glad to home to help out my family.  I'm trying harder than ever to make sure to help my parents out as best I can with our house, cleaning, and especially with my younger brother. 
I can even say that I officially start my "adult" job tomorrow! :)  I'm very proud of myself that I am a part of the working world.  It feels good and I can't wait for some extra spending cash to buy some new clothes for the winter!  I have to say that this change of season means changes in lots of ways and I like that :)
I'm excited for some things this month--apple picking, haunted houses/hayrides, halloween, some (pumpkin) baking, movies, and back to my running schedule!

Lost Happiness

Just when all seemed good at the beginning of the summer, I feel like things lately have just taken a major fall down the hill.  I've lost my happiness.  I tired and frustrated.  I hate the job searching, I never see my parents, when I do see my parents all they care about is work and then fall asleep somewhere, I never see my friends from school, I don't get enough sleep, and I'm sort of seeing a guy that truly really likes me for real and I don't get it.  I guess the over emotional part of me kicks in a lot and really turns things into being more emotional than they should be.
For example, I've been stressing over a stupid birthday present for this guy.  It's in two days and I need to have something in my hands.  My mom won't help me and her ideas don't help with the decision making at the store.  Am I screwed?  You bet I am!  I just feel that presents are important and so the decision is hard especially when you don't know someone as well.
When I came home from school I was ecstatic to be able to see my parents again and spend the holidays with them this year.  But for some reason, things are different.  They just aren't the same as when I was in high school.  They really aren't around like they used to be.  They push me to go out with people and make plans to be busy.  They don't want to hang out and talk.  They thoroughly enjoy that I am "seeing" someone.  It's just different.  And I am not sure that I like it.  I'm thinking that it's just a time in their lives that they don't really need me and they are trying to prove that I shouldn't always need them.
And then this is where my happiness runs dry.  Because I know I have to be more independent and I hate it.  I like to be with people and I like others opinions and I like to be busy.  And independence doesn't really involve those things.  I got in a huge fight with my parents tonight over independence and I just wasn't in the mood to get this stupid gift.  So, I'll begin my independence.  I won't call them at work anymore.  I wont talk about pointless life stories I have or thoughts that I have been thinking.  I wont bother them about where I am going and what I need to do/get.  I'm just going to shut down about those things.  And when they pry into my life when all of this goes over, I'm not budging; they don't need to know anymore.  I'm not being selfish, I'm just helping them out not to stress/worry about me.  I got the message.
So, yea, lets say this is a major pot hole in my life right now.  I just don't know where I fit in and where I stand with life.  I don't know what to do about friendships, relationships, parent relationships, hobbies, emotions, and life.  I guess you could say that I'm having a bit of an "early life" crisis.

Official Graduate!!!

It's official.  Class is OVER!  I have never felt more relieved than by finishing my final class (with extreme senioritis!).  I took last week off last week to celebrate the ending and I can say that I got to relax, watch lots of tv, play the sims, and anything else that sounds lazy :)
Sadly, all the relaxing has ended and its back to work.  I start my summer job back up tomorrow and I can say that I'm looking forward to some extra money and the start of what I truely enjoy doing--research.  It's something that I can individually work on and think about in order to accomplish an overall goal and progress in an overall discovery (fingers crossed). 
I also can say the job search is on.  It's going to take the rest of the summer to continue the research, submitting resumes, and hopefully interviews.  I'm going to work hard to find something that I'm passionate in pursuing and I can't wait to find out what opportunities I end up finding :)  I know with the economy, times are tough, but I'm staying positive with the search.
I can't believe that summer is half way over.  Where did these past two months go?!  I know the summer class truly consumed my life during the five weeks, but I just feel like I keep running around.  And I am happy to say that these next few weeks, I have halted a lot of plans to focus on what I want to do.  I'm excited to spend a friday night sometime soon with my mom on a little date :)  As well as some fun plans with my friends from college!  I need some bff time with my roomate and sadly our schedules have just been clashing lately and have not worked out, but I am determined to make sure that we figure something out real soon! (blueberry picking?!). 
There has been so much going on since I last blogged and I don't want to go on forever.  Hopefully with back to work comes more of a routine schedule and more time for blogging (with pictures this time)!  Hope everyone's summer has been just as busy and fun! :)

Class should not be allowed on nice summer days!

I can't believe that my summer course is already half over.  I can't say that I'm complaining--I'm SO happy!  This class is a ton of work--too much reading and way too many papers!  I feel like I eat, sleep, and breath evolution.  I can't wait until I can be able to relax on the weekends like a normal person instead of spending my days doing homework :/ 
On a lighter note, I'm so glad that the summer weather is officially here!  While 100 degree weather is quite HOT, its better than below 0 and snowing...
I'm excited for some June activities.  I can't wait to plan strawberry picking, fireworks at a nearby town, fresh fruit/corn (my new favorite food), swimming/beach time, and late nights hanging on my deck with my family.  Those are the true things that remind me of summer.
On a bit of a sad note, my mom wants me to go car shopping.  Carmen is becoming old and potentially unreliable and with my commute to school and eventually to work she wants me to have a reliable car.  I'm a bit sad about this because Carmen is good to me.  We will see how quickly the process goes...
And that's about it for me for now.  It's class time once again--7 more classes! :)

Summer

It's hard to believe that June is literally a few days away.  I'm excited that the warm weather is finally approaching and here to stay!  I still haven't purchased graduation pictures and I have a feeling it's going to be really weird to complete that final part for graduation.  More so, it will be weird to finish my final class this summer.  So far so good with it.  Lots of reading and a good amount of papers.  The commute is definitely a bit rough, but I think its a good distraction for the time being.  On my days off from class I find myself (still) finding places for my college stuff, helping my family, and being a taxi driver for my brother.  I think he has more of a social life than me!
I'm a bit disappointed that I have not seen anyone from school yet.  I know some other "friends" have already gotten together and of course no invite for me.  I really don't get it.  I was never mean to them, yet they ignore me.  It hurts my feelings.  I thought I had a bit more faith in them.  I know it really hasn't been that long (it sure feels like it for some reason) but I definitely miss school life and I don't want to lose friends.  I'm hoping that its just the initial lull of the start of summer and the beginnings of job searching/money making.
It's scary that I have begun my job searching.  I feel like I am just not old enough for this.  Then again a neighbor didn't recognize me and thought I was a new neighbor--do I look old enough to buy a house?!  I also saw a girl I graduated from high school with who already had two children.  Wow.  I didn't even know what to think.  I guess it goes to show that you really do feel younger than you actually are. 
Anyway, I'm hoping that summer continues on the right path.  I always love this time of year and hoping with time everyone will be looking to get together and have some fun!  I just have to continue to be positive :)

Graduation Complete?

And so here I am on a monday night...done with finals, done with graduation, and at home.  It's still surreal.  I feel like I will be headed back to 19B within the next few days.  I feel like my room is still all set up there and I'll be going back to my cozy room with all of my awesome roommates.  The reality hasn't set in that I wont be going back and that this is actually the reality.  I'm sad that I have come back to my small town with the little friends that have stayed in touch.  My boring town that has nothing to do will soon enough make me want to run free from here.  But for now I have to set goals and stay busy.  I realize that it is impossible to see friends from school every weekend and I have to be able to keep busy on my down time to limit the sadness that may interfere. 
I need to get back in shape.  Whether that includes going back on weight watchers or just getting back into going into the gym a few days a week.  I just know that if someone where to invite me to the pool tomorrow I would scream!  So I'm going to try and fill the week nights with gym time in order to limit the boredom and in order to get back into shape.
I need to help my family/parents.  I know how hard they have been working while I have been at school and I know that they need help.  I need to be here for them when my brother needs picked up from school, or they need help with dinner, or grabbing groceries, or anything else that seems to be needed.  I owe it to them to help them out with things while I am home.
I need to find hobbies that I enjoy.  You know when social networks or anything for that matter asks what your hobbies are?  I literally draw a blank.  I think, hmm, what do I do after homework, in my spare time, when I just want some me time?  I don't even know.  Watch tv, sleep, surf the internet?  Those are not hobbies.  So the third goal is to find some real hobbies that I can keep myself busy with that I actually enjoy doing.  My goal is for the gym to become my hobby--I'd like to be addicted if at all possible :) 
And lastly, I need my room to get back into order.  After dumping all of my college stuff in my closet and drawers, I can truly say that I don't have room for anything.  I have so much school supplies and junk that needs to be cleared out, its not even funny!  I need to sit down every now and then and continue going through my closet and finding a home (including the garbage) for everything that has been shoved in there.
I think with lots of things to do and the right goals in mind while at home, I'll be a lot happier.  I know its going to be a change and right now I just have to face the facts and let the changes happen!

Approaching Responsibilities

I survived my finals! YES!  It was a rough week for sure, but I was able to get through the week with limited sleep, tons of studying, lots of stress, and at the end of the week I was able to celebrate with all of my friends :)  We attended a fancy dinner at a restaurant in the town nearby.  It was so much fun to dress up even though the couple next to us thought we were only graduates of the local high school :(  Do we really look that young...(while drinking a glass of wine)...?  Afterwards we ended the the night with a party to celebrate our upcoming graduation with all of our friends.  I have to say that it was such a good night getting to talk to everyone before we all part at graduation. 
I'll be sad to move out of our apartment though.  Its been such a wonderful year here.  I've become so comfortable living here and with the opportunity to talk to my roommates whenever possible.  Its been comfortable going to class daily and working on homework with spare time on the weekends.  Its going to be sad wednesday morning when we all hang out for one last breakfast together before officially moving out :(  And I know some tears will be shed at that point as well as at graduation.  It just feels like it was only yesterday that my parents dropped me off at Linden--I was scared and part of me wanted to go back home with them.  And yet today I can only say that I feel the opposite.
It's sad to think that everything is actually coming to an end soon.  I'm nervous, excited, and worried.  I'm worried that I'm going home to the lack of friends, fun, and excitement.  I'm worried that I won't see any of my friends from school.  I'm excited for a new chapter though.  I'm excited for a change in life--a new job, new atmosphere, and new daily life.  I'm nervous for all of the new things to come.  I have tons of goals, though.  I'm determined to find my passion in science in my future career.  I'm determined to get rid of my stressed eating weight.  I'm determined to find some new friends from home that are looking for fun.  I'm excited to see where this road leads me.  It will be an adventure and I think I'm ready for it :)

Lies

On a side note through all of the madness of finals, papers, and studying, I'm angry.  When someone tells you (with a smile) how they want to be friends after a break up.  And how things will be great and we will make things go back to the way they were prior to a relationship and then they can't even look you in the eye?!  This makes me mad.  This makes me lose faith in relationships, friendships, and people.  It makes me think why in the world did I spend time with someone I liked so much and devoted time to be with this person for them to just shut me down like that.  We were great friends and we knew a lot about each other in the end, which is then weird to just drop me down the toilet and lose everything.  I understand things are rough and we dont know where we stand with each other, but I am so okay with making small talk at a party and slowly bringing our friendship back up to speed.  There is no reason for him to ignore me, give me fake smiles, and not even look me in the eye.  How old are we?
This adds another reason why I can't wait to leave.  I'm done dealing with fake people, fake friendships, and people that back stab like that.  I never thought he would be the one to do that and I guess I was wrong.  SO wrong.  I have lost my faith and my trust.  Such a shame...

7 Days

These next seven days will be awful.  Next Friday can't come soon enough where I can lay in bed, sleep, hang out with friends, and have fun again.  I'm SO stressed and SO tired and my stomach hurts SO bad.  I have this issue where whenever I get too stressed, my stomach turns against me and I get severely nauseous.  I can't seem to control it very much unless I sleep, but that's not very productive when I have five tests and two papers to write by next Friday.  Yea, talk about stressed.
I'm hoping this weekend I can keep calm and stay productive.  A trip to the library may be in order so that I can truly focus and actually study.  I literally have to memorize at least 100 reactions for organic chemistry this weekend.  I know I can do it--I'm going to push myself to do the best I can with the little time I have left this semester.  I know I tried my best and put all of the effort I have in me this semester.  And that's all I can do.  Let the work continue to commence... starting now--GO!

TGIF and a stranger

I'm so glad i made it through this week.  The week seemed to drag on with so much to do.  I think I only got an average of about 4 to 5 hours of sleep per night all week.  I'm exhausted!
Everything had been okay until I ran into him today at the grocery store.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My heart raced, my face turned red, and I didnt even know what to say/talk about.  I felt like he was a stranger. He looked different, perhaps happier?  And I hope that I look happier as well--I just dont feel it.  Down the isle later I ran into another friend that asked if I was okay, so I take it I didn't look all that great. 
After such a long and stressful week, a good movie and some cuddling would be really great, but that's not happening.  I really miss him when I see him--It really hurts.  And the sad part is, I'm pretty sure he's okay and he has so many friends to hang out with 24-7 that I'm pretty sure he has plenty of distractions.
I was going to go home tonight to spend time with my family after that grocery store incident and the way it messed with my emotions, but in my panicked state seeing him, I told him I would stop by a party tonight and I want to show that I can do it and be okay.  Not that it really makes a difference in the end, but I want to prove it to myself as well even though I know it's going to be a painful experience.
On day's like this, I just really wish all my happiness would come back and everything would be okay.  On day's like this, I'm just ready to go to bed and start my day over again tomorrow.

Updates and Thoughts

So, my caffeine free two weeks was only a brief phase.  These past few days have been exhausting and the caffeine has been much needed!  I'm going to try again this summer and I'm hoping that it stays longer than two weeks.
On on other thoughts, I have to say that since "the breakup", I have been feeling much better and more like myself.  As I look back I realize it was for the better and I accept what has happened.  Does it still make me sad at times? Yes.  Do I sometimes wish that we were still together? Of course.  But, then some nights (like tonight) I question even our friendship.  Thanks to social networking sites, I can really get the 411 on what people are up to based on their posts.  (People seem to forget this sometimes).  When he promised me that we would still be friends and he would let me know about events/parties and that we would stay in touch...well...that seems like a lie.  Am I disappointed? Yes.  Am I a little shocked? Yes.  Am I little angry? You bet!  What are him and his friends up to tonight? Oh you probably guessed it--having a party.  I thought that based on our prior friendship since freshman year and our actual relationship/friendship that developed while dating that things would be a little different post breakup.  I figured that with our maturity and friendship that invitations to events would be easy and would be wanted.  It makes me really take a step back and reevaluate friendships and makes me sad to think that time spent with friends believed to be actual friends could be "fake".  Ugh.  Thats when senioritis hits hard again and makes me ready to take on a new chapter in life with my true friends from school by my side.  I guess I put too much faith in people...
On a lighter note, I'm presenting in the science syposium tomorrow.  I'll be presenting about the biological research that I have been working on the past two years.  It will be interesting and definitely a long day, but its usually rewarding and knowledgable in the end.
So, party with "friends"?  Nahh, I'm off to discover, learn, and save the world...one bacteria at a time :)

Caffeine Free

One of my new goals lately was to stop the caffeine.  Its been good so far except that I'm exhausted beyond belief and it's constant.  I have a TON of work to do this weekend and lately when I sit down to do work, I decide to lay in bed and sleep.  Not good and not productive.  I think that if this continues this weekend, I'm going to have to cave in and get some caffeine in my system and get work done.  I suppose I can detox in another 4 weeks after graduation--AHHH!

Back to School

Being home was so nice.  It is definitely good to be back here, though.  I really love our apartment.  And getting to talk to my roommates at any time is perk. 
I had a final talk with "him" and let me tell you, I feel a lot better.  I was slightly reassured that we will be friends again and that it will take some time, but eventually we can (I'm sure with some work) be the friends like we once were.  I was glad that things were actually not awkward and that we were able to have a really mature adult talk.  I can't say that it was fun, but there were a few smiles in there where I was reassured that we'd both be okay. 
Part of me was really excited to see him since I hadnt seen him in a while, but thats where my heart hurts.  I miss our long talks (with smiles and laughter) and our times just hanging out.  And I know its going to take a while for that to be able to happen without my heart hurting or my feelings getting in the way.  I know that I have to move on and I know there is someone out there for me that will love me just as much as I love them back.  I know he's just hiding :)
I hope this week proves to be good.  I have lots of plans and lots of work and hopefully there will be lots of smiles! The true test will be when i hang out with some friends middle of the week where he will be there.  I CAN DO IT THOUGH.  I know i can :)  I know I have pulled myself together pretty well pretty quickly.  It still hits me that I'm not with him and I miss that, but then I tell myself that being single isn't that bad either.  It's time to really get my flirt on, especially for this summer ;)

Home is Where the Heart is

I have to say that being home this weekend has been so wonderful.  I really have to say that I feel 10x better from being home and staying busy.  I know it will be a little difficult going back to school only because of the memories I'm going back to.  I still say that he picked a bad time to do what he did.  He couldn't have waited another 4 or 5 weeks?  Even the day after graduation would have been so much better.  I know I am told that it may not have been good that way, but I guess the truth would be that no time is a good time (you are right, katie). 
My brother's first words to me when he saw me on friday was that "he" puts the "b" in "bs"...that made me giggle.
I had a long talk with my sister and my mom and I am confident to say that I know I'm going to be okay from this point on.  No more tears during class and hopefully no more panic feelings.  I know my mind is still going to wonder when I'm on my own, but I think that it will decrease as graduation things get crazy, fun with friends takes up lots of time, and new people/opportunities come into my life.
I do have to say that I apologize greatly to my roommates and bff (you know who you are) for being such a pain this semester.  I know my mood wasn't always the best and I know I complained a lot about my unhappiness.  I guess I didn't want to stop being in love and because of my lack of successful relationships, I was still holding on hope that things would turn around at some point for the better.  I know I was foolish and I have to work on that with my future relationships.  But, I thank you and love you to death for sticking with me and helping me through the rough spots where I didn't know what to do with myself.  You are the best!!!
I hope that this summer we can all get together and plan some fun things--perhaps another medieval times trip and fighting over roses and sashes would be another fun memory :)  I was getting pretty sentimental about graduation talk this weekend and I'm so afraid that I wont see anyone after this summer or even after graduation.  It makes me sad to think about what I will be losing if that is to happen.  But I hope that with our great friendships that we can stay good friends and plan lots of fun and stay in touch often!  I'm definitely going to live it up these next few weeks.  I want to have tons of fun and get tons of work done and not waste one minute! ( I found my smile this weekend and plan to use it to the fullest!)  I think it has really sunk in that graduation is in 4 weeks!!?  Wow, did four years really fly by!

Better days are ahead

Yesterday was a little bit of a better day and I hope that today is too.  I had a lot of distractions yesterday with exams and hanging out with my roommates again last night, which is always great.  I actually think that I laughed more than I have in a while...thank goodness!  I was wondering where my laugh/smile had run off to!  Whenever there is down time though, that's when he gets back in my head. 
I'm really excited to go home this weekend, but at the same time I feel like I could be missing out on events that will be going on this weekend.  I was invited to a party that he was having prior to the breakup and obviously I'm probably not invited anymore nor would I actually be going.  But, it makes me think about what I will be missing and how much fun they will all be having and how I wont be there.  I guess that I just have to keep telling myself that better days are ahead and that I will not be missing that much.  I've been needing a lot of pep talks from myself to tell myself that its really okay and it is for the better and that I know im going to find someone who is 1,000x better who will really love me for me.  I know that time will only make things better and I am grateful that I was able to get through this week.  Unfortunately, we still havent had a closing talk and I really hope that wont set me back down the road of sadness when that happens next week, but then again does he even want to talk to me?  He probably isnt as concerned.  That's where I get kind of mad.  Is he that upset?  How long has he really been pulling back from our relationship?  Probably a long time...but my denial has been in play for a long time as well.  That's where this a learning experience for me.  I know I need to stop the denial in relationships when I see things going downhill.  I can't always hold on.  And I really need to pick the winners of the bunch and not the losers like I have been picking in my past. 
I hope that a night out with my sister and some time with my family this weekend will really pick up my mood and bring back my smile so that I can start next week fresh with a new outlook on the rest of the semester!

Love Sucks

Breakups are the worst.  But, whats worse is the empty panic feeling afterwards.  The feeling that you are a little lost, a little empty, and a little lonely.  I've been trying to get through this week as best as possible.  I can't help the tears at times and I cant seem to stop thinking about it, which is just giving me a stomach ache and causing some sleepless nights.  The panic comes from the fact that i really miss him, i lost my friend, and I'm still in shock.  I'm a little shocked that the only people that supported me were my roomates (who I dearly love for all of their help and support--I wouldnt have been able to make it through that first night without all of you!!!...and the nights continuing.)  The friends that i have hung out with when i was dating "him" have not contacted me at all.  I know they probably all took his side of the support, but not even a "I'm thinking of you, hang in there" text.  Ouch. 
I know I'm going to be okay.  I know that things will get better.  I fell hard for him.  And EVERYTHING reminds me of him.  I can't seem to get away from it all.  It felt good to go oberserving this morning at the nearby high school.  I felt away from things and I felt more confident in what was going on.  But, as soon as i get back to school, I cant get him out of my head.  What the heck??  I'm trying to focus on my school work as best as possible.  He really picked a bad week for this to happen.  I was so in my zone this past weekend preparing for two exams that i have tomorrow and then i lost it this week.  I'm hoping i can pull myself together tonight and get through tomorrow.
Sometimes i really blame myself for what happened.  I go through the what if's.  Thinking of what i did wrong in the relationship--not enough affection, not enough smiles, not enough texting, not enough fun, too much stress, too much talk, too much affection.  But i can't do that to myself, because i know that i did my best in the relationship and its not all my fault either.  And its a learning experience.  I just need things to distract me until graduation and until i can really push past the emotions.  I'm thinking a good book.  I've also toyed with a possible dating site so that i can meet/flirt/and talk to other people just to take my mind off the pain.  No, i will not be dating any time soon.  But some fun in that department doesnt sound too bad either...
I'm really excited to go home and see my family this weekend.  I could really use some "family" time and time to get away from school and the memories.  Sadly, i really cant wait for graduation.  I really need time at home and time to start over.  I'm excited to create my "new adult life".  I look forward to some "klassy" adult parties with friends from school, a new schedule, new environment, meeting new people, and so much more.  I guess you could say that's senioritis speaking, but I think most people are secretly feeling that way recently, too.
Anyway, new goals for next week include getting back on track, less panic, more focus, and finding my smile once again!  I CAN DO THIS.

Stress x 10

This week has been quite the struggle.  Getting back into the school mode, time management, and keeping calm.  This week was really testing me--two exams, too much homework, lack of sleep, minimal time with my bf, and to top of the end of the week I lost my bracelet that he gave me.  If I can't stop crying through all of this now, whats it going to be like in another 6 weeks come final exams?  I dont want to know...
I read an article in cosmopolitan friday night about not stressing.  It explained how you have to get into your place of mind and block out all other things.  Don't let outside stresses get in and ruin your concentration.  While in your place of mind with extreme focus, things get done and there is less stress.  
New goal for next week: Find my concentration place and get work done!, stop stressing about the small things and figure out what to do about the bracelet...

DISNEY!

Disney was amazing.  I can't think of a more magical place!  It was a much needed trip away from school work and stress.  The days were long and filled with tons of walking, ride doing, and plenty of eating!  I dont think i can look at another french fry for a while :)  Harry potter world was so worth every minute of my time there.  It was such a great experience and the butterbeer is delicious!  I could actually go for another one right now...mmm.  The weather was so cooperative.  80 degrees and sunny all week--couldn't have asked for anything better!  Such a great spring break vacation to top off senior year!
Now that I'm back to reality, its time for tons of school work.  7 weeks until graduation! AHHH.  I dont think that I'm prepared for that just yet...

too much to do and so little time

This week has been attacking me.  Do you ever feel like you have an overwhelming about of things to do and there is just not enough time in the day to do them all?  That's how I have been feeling.  There are so many things to do this month with last minute spring break things, birthday celebrations, and graduation/student teaching things.  My "to do" list just keeps on growing.  My goal is to stay on top of my to do list.  Finalize/purchase birthday presents and finish spring break plans are the goals for the rest of the week/weekend.  My homework seems to be piling up as well and lately sleep just isn't an option.  Sadly, my lingering cough would disagree with that statement.
Comparing freshman year to now, I would say that my responsibilities/things to do has more than doubled.  I don't even want to imagine the amount of work and stress I'll be enduring in another five years...

Guilty Pleasures

TRUEBLOOD.
The TV show Trueblood is my new obsession lately.  I would watch any episode and still think it is just as thrilling, exciting, and funny as the first time I had watched it.  What makes it even better is my love for Alexander Skarsgard...

...He is perfect.  I can dream, right?? :)

Reminders

Sometimes I just need a little reminder that I'm not alone...complements of my mom :)

Winter Germs

Getting sick is just miserable.  I feel like everyone I am surrounded by in class won't stop coughing, sneezing, sniffling, etc.  Of course, those germs just couldn't stay away.  Almost all of my friends came down with some sort of virus early this week.  Fever, body aches, cough, and congestion.  Gross.  It definitely has been miserable.  The only good excuse is that plenty of rest is needed, lots of tv/movie watching, no athletic classes, and double the cuddle time with someone special :).  Unfortunately, after all of this down time, my email has backed up, homework has piled up, and anything that I pushed aside needs to recollected and taken care of.  Getting back to reality is never fun, but the countdown until spring break still remains when I can get in lots of fun and relaxation--23 days! :)

New Goals

I can't believe that there are only four more weeks until spring break!  Could that really be true?!  Not only am I so happy to be going on vacation, but I'm even more excited for the warm weather.  It already seems promising with the temperature going to be in the 40's this week--yes! :)

So because of the countdown to spring break, my bathing suit body needs to get ready!  I have been doing this program called p90x and its great, but I'm definitely not seeing the results that i was hoping for.  I started to get some healthier food and my new goal is to cut down on some of the portion sizes.  My new goal is to also hit up the gym more often.  When will I have time to do this?....I'm not so sure.  But my goal is to make it happen!  I don't have class after 3:30 and I feel that 3:30 is the perfect snack time.  But, if I go to the gym instead, that might make things a little more productive in the afternoon.  I'm hoping this new gym goal can be achieved.  All I need to do is stay motivated...and maybe find a gym buddy :)

Hot and Cold, Up and Down

Do you ever have one of those days/weeks where you just feel like everyone is mad at you or against you?  Do you ever have the feeling like you just cant please everyone and its become frustrating?  Yea, that's me; except it seems to happen to me a lot.  I feel pushed around at times.  One minute I should be in 600 other locations entertaining 600 different people, but I cant.  I am only one person and I can only do so many things.  And I think that I need to learn to accept this and do the best that I can, but it still frustrates me.  I know this is how the "real world" is.  Tons of responsibilities and more things that need to get done in one day than one day can handle.  I know I just need to breath through the rough spots, stay focused, and stay positive.  I know I need to do those things at times, but the other times I'm looking for my "peanut gallery" for support.  I'm looking for those around me to be just as positive and just as motivating as I am trying to be.  But for some reason this semester I don't feel like my "peanut gallery" is all there and all too positive.  Lately I feel like where are the jokes, parties, trips, card games, and FUN??  I know we all have a ton of work, but wont we all have a ton of work after we graduate?  There always has to be a reasonable in between; plus all work and no play makes anyone dull.  I don't know where I am going wrong.  The rough part is that everyone seems to be in this blah mood. And that blah mood seems to be rubbing back on me.  It also probably doesn't help that its freezing cold and everyone has the winter blues, which is why I cant wait for spring!  It can't come soon enough! Plus I'm ready for flip flops! :)

I don't understand what happened, but all I know is that I need people to be a little less blah and a lot more fun!  Lets hope that this happens and fast.  I'm ready for smiles from everyone! :)

Major Fail

Remember when I talked about those bumps in the road?  Well, it didn't take long to hit one.  I'm studying biology and secondary education at my college.  Its been rough, but I have to say that I love science (I know that sounds nerdy).  I also have to say that I love the idea of teaching.  I have wanted to be a teacher since forever.  In order to be certified I have to take two exams and then fulfill student teaching at a high school.  The first exam went well and the second one sneaked up on me in January, but was survivable.  Except I guess not that survivable.  It was hard!  Everything that ever existed about science was in that exam that lasted about 6 hours....and I failed.  I'm so angry that I was about ten points from passing.  I'm angry that I have to waste time from my final semester studying.  I'm angry that I'm supposed to be in beautiful sunny Florida when the next exam is being offered.  I'm angry I have to waste more money to retake the exam.  I'm angry at myself.  And I'm angry to have to deal with one more thing on top of everything else that is falling in on me this semester.
I'm so frustrated with myself and I'm not looking forward to making these decisions and potentially destroying my spring break trip.  Not only is that going to take time to change, but it means more money.  It probably doesn't help that I have only had about 10 hours of sleep these past three days.  Life is so much more difficult if I'm hungry or tired and I'm sure everyone in some way agrees with that statement :)
I'm hoping with more sleep this weekend I can get my emotions in order and make some decisions.  Let's hope!

Boys, Boys, Boys

No, I don't have guys on my mind 24-7...maybe just 24-6 :)  Of course my first real post has to be about guys because, hey, what else seems to bother me these days.  Today (sunday) is actually my 5 month anniversary with my boyfriend :) ... but of course we have to find something to fight about today--sounds like old news.  What are we fighting about?  Just something that we can't seem to drop.  Now, tell me if this seems right to you.  His really good friend is a girl, which is perfectly fine.  He made it quite clear that they are just friends and nothing more.  Great.  Except that they don't act like "just friends" (especially when alcohol is involved).  They become stuck together like glue by each others sides, touching, pushing, yelling, hugging...you name it, it seems to happen (minus of course kissing).  And then when I get questioned about why I am distant and a little upset, he gets mad.  What the heck!  Does this not make sense to anyone else except myself?

So, today during the superbowl party, right in front of my eyes, they are stuck like glue.  And don't get me wrong, I encourage him to have a ton of friends and socialize, but I question why they talk, share everything, skype, and go places more so than we do.  Why not with me?  So, because of the awkwardness of the "involved friendship", things get a little weird.  I say goodbye to the group (with them still side by side) and I get in trouble later, thanks.  Of course to him, its all my fault.  I didnt try to talk to him enough, I watched the game too much, I socialized with not enough people....go ahead, keep the blames going.  And then the texts stop and the ignorance begins (on his part of course).  Thats fine, happy anneversary to you too (even though you forgot).

Phew, now that that is all out.  What do you think bloggers?  Am I making this into a bigger deal than it should be?  What am I supposed to do?

Here it goes!

Welcome to my new blog!  I'm so excited to get this started.  I'm using my blog as a place to express my thoughts, talk about the future, and see where life leads me.  As college graduation is approaching I have so many things to do and think about before the best four years of my life will be coming to an end.  I don't know whether to cry or be happy for the current chapter to end and the new chapter to be quickly approaching.  I hope that you will enjoy my story as much as I can only hope for all the good things ahead!